it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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