I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize