its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
