I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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