It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
