U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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