I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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