Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
