you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
