@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
