no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
