ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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