69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize