Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
