When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
