Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
