I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
