My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
