New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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