Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
