that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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