i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
