why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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