So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Randomize
