Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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