I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
