She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I met the friendliest cop last night
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
