Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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