Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
