I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize