Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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