Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize