she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I am available for nakedness
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
