No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
please come you make the beer taste better
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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