i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
