I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
