you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
