Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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