Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
