i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
