Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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