You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
