I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize