Already got asked if we're dating
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize