Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
