Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
