Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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