I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize