get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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