I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
