CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
