white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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