its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
