I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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