do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
