he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
