That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
