Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
