I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
