Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
