So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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