Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
