drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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