Just fell off a train. Bad.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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