If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
