Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
