It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
