i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize