i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she looked like the before picture.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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