you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
