I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
