I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
