i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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