What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
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