I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
