Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
