tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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