....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
