so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
