Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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