i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
