i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
