Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i think i just lost a toe
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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