K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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