You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
