His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
