Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
there is glitter all over my balls
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