Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
