I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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