Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
