"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
